Samba ... Santana

Written June, 1998

I am a Webmaster, Graphics Designer, artist, ISP owner, support technician, Wife, mother of three, friend and a brand new grandmother at 38 years old! And I get to spend my days the way I want to. What more could I ask for?

splat

My husband and I run Capital Internet Communications. I am the Webmaster and I own Mohamed Enterprises/Serenity's Spiritual Creations, a web and graphics design firm. We offer 24 hour technical support so I am by the phone and in front of the computer most of the day. I get to talk to and become friends with some of the nicest people in this area. The great part is, now, I can spend time with our two girls and make a living at the same time.

I live with my husband, Sam, my two daughters and a very maternal 6 year old miniature dachshund named Brindle, in Indianola, Mississippi. My three children are Chip (19 years old), Heather (11 years old) and Brittany (7 years old). Chip is married to Angie and they have an adorable little boy named Mason Reed that is 3 months old. They live in Jackson, about 2 hours from us. Both my parents and my husband's parents all live within 25 minutes of us. I have one brother, Dirk, and he and his wife, Debbie, (best friend) and my nephews, Kyle & Kody, live in Wesson, (about 3 hours from us) And then there's my sister in law, Angelia, (best friend) that lives with her husband Frank in Greenville, about 24 minutes away. Click Here to meet my kids.

Family is very important to me! I love the idea that we are strategically located and able to get together often. We used to live 1,000 miles from here. Both of my Grandmothers are still alive, age 90 and age 87, and live relatively close by as well. My family is really kind of small compared to my husband's family. There are around 150 Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and siblings in his family. (in the US) Trying to remember all of their names at family gatherings can be quite a task. His family of origin is near Syrian, Lebanon. I've always found that people with multi ethnic backgrounds, that stay in touch with the "old country", have very strong roots. Kind of like a strong sense of self. Proud of what is represented by their family name. Determined to make all that it represents honorable. My Sammie is certainly that way!

My next love is painting. I enjoy oil and watercolor as well as creating clay sculptures. It is a very Spiritual activity for me and when I'm immersed in it, I feel closest to God. You see, this gift he's given to me is a relatively new one. I found out about 4 years ago, while attending College, that I had artistic talent. This talent was totally untapped until then. I had this extraordinary art teacher that could bring out the creativity in anyone. She was so patient and encouraging that I couldn't help but thrive under her instruction. Just thinking about "Ms. A" makes me feel warm all over. She truly does love and care about each one of "her Art Majors" as she called us. She not only nurtured us artistically but Spiritually too. She has to be one of God's favorite souls!

Another love of mine is psychology. Or to be more exact, Codependency Recovery. The human mind is an awesome creature. It is amazing what this organ can entice you to say and do. Before learning about Codependency, I just thought I was crazy! (Depression - low self-esteem - hopelessness - always falling short) I was so relieved to find out that I was just Codependent. That gave me a name to put on it, and then I knew I could do something about it, and boy did I. I found out that this thing, Codependency, was really quite common, that there were tons of people struggling thru life in much the same way as I was.

That was the key to making the changes I needed to make ... to make my life work. Knowing that I wasn't defective, but that my thinking was defective! I learned to love learning and reading and then eventually I learned to relish the process. At first, I was so full of hope that there wasn't much I wasn't willing to do to stop the pain. My husband used to ask me, when he found me crying, why anyone would put themselves through such pain, when the very thing they were trying to do was to get out of it. I used to tell him, "the only way out was to walk through the pain". I became grateful for all the tragedy in my life. Sound Crazy? Well, not to me. You see, If I hadn't gone through all of these horrible things in my lifetime, I wouldn't have become the person I am today. It's the recipe for what makes me ... me! And I like that person now. I now believe I am worthy of God's love and to me there is no greater joy! Someone very special to me told me many years ago that, "God don't make no junk"! At the time I didn't really grasp what she was telling me, but, I finally got it.

My entire Site is dedicated to the loves of my life and I'm very, very grateful that I have a place to express this. I think the Internet is a wonderful tool. There is so much good you can accomplish with it. It is a forum that can reach people that might not other wise be reachable. From the very young to the very old, we can all learn and grow within the information and sharing available to us. I hope you enjoy your visit to my Site and will come back and visit often. I will be adding things that people have sent about what inspires them. I hope you will E-Mail me with some things that are special to you.

CARPE DIEM ... Bless God ... & God Bless

splat

The following are some sayings that are very close to my heart.

splat

This one has helped me to press forward for the last 12 years. It is wonderful faith training.

Where we are today is Where we're meant to be. It's where we need to be to get where we're going tomorrow. And that place we're going tomorrow will be better than any we've been before.

If everybody feels fear when approaching something totally new in life, Yet so many are out there "Doing it" Despite the fear, Then we must conclude that

FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?

My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

Your struggles affect MY serenity. MY mental attention focuses on solving YOUR problems or relieving YOUR pain.

My mental attention is focused on PLEASING YOU.

My mental attention is focused on PROTECTING YOU.

My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to "to do it my way".

My self-esteem is bolstered by solving YOUR problem.

My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving YOUR pain.

My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing YOUR interests and hobbies.

YOUR clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.

YOUR behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.

I AM NOT AWARE OF HOW I FEEL. I am aware of how YOU feel. I am not aware of what I want. I ask what YOU want. IF I AM NOT AWARE I ASSUME.

The dreams that I have for MY future are linked to YOU.

My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

My fear of YOUR anger determines what I say or do.

I use GIVING as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with YOU.

I put MY values aside in order to connect with YOU.

I value YOUR opinion and way of doing things MORE THAN MY OWN.

Author Unknown

"We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."

Don Juan -- Journey To Xtlan

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self ... Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."

Jo Courdet

Remember:

There are very few guarantees in life, yet one thing is certain -- if you never attempt anything, you'll never accomplish anything.

We frequently are held back by fear of failure. And failure is always a possibility. It is a certainty, however, when you never try in the first place.

You become what you think about most. When you continually focus on the fear of failure, failure will become real for you. Look instead at the possibilities. Look at what could happen if only you would attempt it. Sure, it might not succeed completely. Yet even then you will learn something.

Make the effort -- enthusiastically, with every expectation of success.

Focus on all the reasons why you will succeed. Go for it, and don't look back.

-- Ralph Marston

How to be the Best Me!

splat

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Remember:

Remember there's a you, inside it all. The problems, the pleasures, the possessions, the strife, the stress, the confusion, are little more than distractions, when compared to the boundless joy and wonder of being alive.

Remember that each moment is a precious gift, an opportunity to be fully alive, to be creative, to love, to care, to learn, to make a difference. Take a deep breath and feel the air as it fills your lungs. Look around and see the beautiful world in which you live.

Remember that you're under your own control, free to be your best in every situation. Relish the experience of watching yourself meet the challenges. Guide your life with a care and skill that's worthy of your true value. Fulfill the wonderful possibilities of being you.

-- Ralph Marston