I am a survivor of rape, childhood molestation, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, food addiction and self abuse.
Since I've been in recovery, I've always wanted to know, when will I be finished? How long does it take to deal with an issue before it's dealt with, truly, finally, dealt with? I realize now that there is no being finished with it. You experience it and you transcend and it just means something different to you. No matter what "IT" is. And then it no longer has power over you. You once again or maybe for the first time in your life, regain your personal power. Your rightful place in God's Dynasty. As his child, a part of him and all that is.
For how can we know ourselves if we don't have experiences. To just sit around and be like bumps on a log will show you nothing of yourself. No matter what struggles in life that you should be called upon to endure, there is a higher state that can be achieved because of these experiences. There is also a lower state that you can achieve should you choose to continue to give your power away. Personally, I don't choose to do that anymore! For many, many years, I gave my power away to people I felt were more worthy or able than I. I had no concern for myself, no self-esteem. As a matter of fact, I loathed myself. It seemed like every single thing I chose all throughout my life, got me more of the same. I WAS A VICTIM! And I didn't know how to stop being one.
I didn't have a clue. I just knew that I couldn't stand the tightness of pain in my chest and throat. Constantly on the brink of tears, the fight was tremendous for many years. The depression was totally consuming. Oh, it came and went over the years, but each year it got worse and lasted longer. I was ready to give up, sooo tired. I kept thinking about my children and how they didn't deserve a Mom that wasn't normal. In my mind, the only way I could think of to save them from having the same kind of emotional problems I had, was to not be around them. But I knew I could never walk the earth and not be with them, never, ever. They and my husband were the only things that kept me alive. So, I cried out for help, and someone heard me, IT WAS ME! I HEARD ME! Loud and clear! I decided then and there that I was going to live and I was going to do it without the pain.
I went and got the help I needed. I started learning to deal with the pain instead of avoiding it any longer. I looked at everything! I picked my life apart for as far back as I could remember and made myself realize just how badly this little girl, this child of God had been misused. It wasn't this little girls fault, it was REAL, it did happen and it was TERRIBLE! And I'm so special to God, that he led me to get what I needed to be able to end the pain.
To be able to grow beyond even the most unspeakable atrocities! Once I admitted that I was powerless over all of these events and the pain they caused, I could open myself to see and learn what I couldn't before. All I needed was someone to lead me into my own awareness.
God put many wonderful people in front of me, and still does, people that believed in me, cared about me and taught me how to love myself again. And I did transcend! I learned volumes about me and what it takes to make me happy therefore making others that became a part of me, happy too. I have continued my search for enlightenment for 14 years and I have not been disappointed in all that I am now. I have learned, and will continue to learn to love this child of God. It is the ONLY TRUE way to give your gifts to others. You MUST have regard and respect and love of self to truly know and love others. And you MUST look for the gifts you have to offer. We all have them, it's our birthright! You have to experiment with things to find them, it does take action. Just like becoming aware of who you really are does!
Remember, you are not the
compilation of what
has been done to you. You are the compilation
of what YOU have done for YOU! :)
WITH HOPE - LOVE -
COMPASSION and HEALING,