|
|
T1: Vickiveil
Remote User:
Date: Thursday March 20, 2003
Time: 05:47 PM
I can feel you on this one. I make this mistake too. The thing is, we can love someone unconditionally. But we also deserve respect and regard. If we trully love ourselves, then is it proper to allow someone to literally walk all over us? Is it appropriate to be taken advantage of? I remember listening to Oprah years and years ago state "the first person we need to love...is ourselves. The first person we need to take care of ... is ourselves. Because if we are not taken care of, how can we take care of anyone else?" I used to think this was selfish. But with years of experience and loads of hindsight... I now agree wholeheartidly. Example. When I am tired from overworking... my temperment becomes shorter. I then stand at the kitchen sink and when my family ask for anything, in my voice, you can hear the shortness. Had I worked normal hours, and not went overboard, that snap would not be present in my voice.
If I am driving my son somewhere, when I really don't want too... let me tell ya...it is not a "joyful" ride.
You get the picture.
I think unconditional love can include backing away from someone so that they can move out into the world, possibly without us being by their side, so that they may make their mistakes, learn their lessons, and develop whatever skills and attitudes on their own.
I think we can use the term unconditional love where enabling, passive aggressive or control would better suit the occasion.
Unconditional love is one of those emotions and thoughts that is placed beside that "very thin line" we often hear of and think of.
How far do we go for someone we give unconditional love before it turns into being taken advantage of?
How much do we give, until it turns into mental abuse?
Tricky questions =)
For me, I have had friends that I LOVED...UNCONDITIONALLY. I have family members that I LOVED...UNCONDITIONALLY.
For years and years I stood beside their decisions, their words and their ways, even when "I" felt that something was wrong. I didn't feel like I was in charge of saying what was right and what was wrong for them.
Some of these friends and family members I no longer stay in touch with. Some I do, but I feel that "Closeness" I used to feel with them is no longer there. I do love them, but I know that their actions are inappropriate behavior. I understand that this is the path "they" have choosen. I honor that fully. BUT...I came to a place where either their actions was upsetting to me, their words devasted me, (Which I would have "told" them I was hurt by their words and actions so it wasn't like I held it in and they had to guess) and no apology or understanding came from them about the way I felt.
I didn't need I AM SORRY. I just needed an I UNDERSTAND.
I didn't get it. This is when I had to break my cycle of unconditional love for them.
For me, to break that love took more than these friends/family not phoning for 1 week straight it was more than my remembering their birthday, but their forgetting mine. It actually ended up to be a series of repetitive actions & words.
You have a good question there Sunshine. I just think that the definitions will be as individual as the person...who loves....
Just my thought =) Vicki
